Friday, October 19, 2018

My Collection Of Poems On Amazon!

Lost and Found By Suchitra Manpuri

Please, buy my book on Amazon which is a collection of poems that I've been writing from my teenage years to till now.

Let me know how is it and what all you thought about it.

When something ends

I just don’t know how to go ahead in my life right now. I’m most of the times in dilemma, and so far been a pathetic decision maker. I’m thinking a lot about how my last relationship has ended, I was aware that it wasn’t really working between us but then stayed in it for the sake of it! Well, I couldn’t lie to myself for a long period of time and I’ve realized that it isn’t a good thing to be with Sujay when I’ve stopped really thinking about him.

Then why am I thinking so much about him? About all of it?

I did love him but then I had seen few things which would put me off. No, he wasn’t flirting, drinking or smoking. He wasn’t the one, who would indulge himself in all these things.

He was just not giving me enough attention. It happened once, twice, thrice and then it became the norm. Attention doesn’t mean that he should look into my eyes always and touch my hands and nod his head, though these are important it all boils down to one thing: understanding.

I wanted him to understand where I come from, the kind of environment I grew up in. Keeping all these things in my mind I had been very vocal about my ideas, which were very unconventional. Though, this went on well for the first two years I’ve realized that we are very different in the way we look at our lives. I crave for deep understanding in every aspect; he doesn’t think much about life except that we should help others and then go on.

I might come across as someone trying to blame it all on my partner, not really. I have my share of it in this, I had been very patient but it was draining me. From the beginning of the relationship I was the one who would beg: beg for everything!

Beg to go out
Beg to meet etc etc

As time passed I grew critical of him. I was resenting him day-in, day-out. It overshadowed my love for him. I wasn’t there when he was operated on his ulcer; again I begged to be with him. I begged to see and visit. He didn’t give a damn detail about the hospital. Trust me, I was tired.

His intention might have to protect me but in the process I had slowly become indifferent to his pain. And, it wasn’t a nice thing. All hell broke loose when I realized that I was attracted to other people around me and was literally forgetting him. It’s as if everything fitted the bill.

I told him what was happening, his heart was broken and though at first he said we’ll get over this and all. After sometime he said he doesn’t want me anymore. I wasn’t as shocked as I sounded to be, I felt it was right. All the while it was me trying to tell him that it’s not working and now he was supplied with a reason.

It has ended.