Thursday, March 29, 2018

Ramblings of my mind

Let me recall what all happened since the last time I wrote my journal. 

I’ve been having a great time at my workplace. Still I miss Jlisha, my former team lead. I got two companions (Prasanna & Sruthi), with whom I’m spending most of my time. It is full of laughter and memories to cherish.  

Yesterday morning when I boarded the bus en route to office there was a woman, puny in figure wore burkha and looked so innocent. She reminded me of the character, Dobby of Harry Potter. I found her funny, because she was stealing glances at me and I could clearly see it from the corner of my eyes.  
  
So far, things are going pretty well. I’m being careful about complaining, I know it sucks my energy out but I don’t know it is so ingrained that I’m, at times, clueless about its very nature. Recently, I completed reading ‘Unravelled’ by Maria Housden, it was a nice read. In a way, it was spiritual.  

The fact is that it didn’t disappoint me and I’m happy that I picked it up. 

Last week, when I took a leave to introduce Sujaykar to my cousin (which was a success), I shopped  for four pairs of footwear, a shirt, Wren and Martin grammar book and ‘Three Thousand Stitches’ by Sudha Murthy. Even Sujay got a Wren and Martin, because I recommended and he was keen on improving his English. 

I haven’t written a short story, poem or anything seriously and it bothers me a little every now and then. When I’m not pursuing these interests of mine I’m reminded of that scene from “The Fountainhead” when Peter Keating goes to Howard Roark to show his drawings (which has always been Peter’s interest but chose architecture and made it his career), and Howard replies “I’m sorry Peter the time’s up” (I don’t exactly remember the dialogue but the pain experienced by Peter of the realization and of Roark, who had to say it. 

At this time in the novel, I kinda prayed that I never ever want to be in the place of Peter Keating. It did shake me up a little. I shall do things that make me feel good. Little by little I’ll be there. 

Something lovely happened today, one of my students called me up to check on me. Her name is Navya
7th standard and she along with others was an active student when I did the online teaching. I never knew I could teach, I genuinely enjoyed myself there. Perhaps, that too is an amazing opportunity to venture into. 

I think I have few story ideas: Frustration in marriage, that Dobby woman for now. 

Good night. 

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Reflecting on the journey so far....



It is often times the things that we prayed for, scare us the most. Though they would make us happy we feel we should be miserable somehow and in the process deny them and their aura that would come to us if we dare to allow them. I think I’m at that stage, used to being miserable all the time I tend to forget the good things that life offers.

Reading.

It’s such a spiritual thing for me to read books, the happiness in multiplied by thousand fold when you discover an unknown book/author and they blow your mind away. In the past three months of this year, I read ‘The Fountain Head’, ‘Who Moved My Cheese’, ‘A Place Called Here’ and currently reading ‘Why Didn’t They Ask Evans?’ by Agatha Christie.

Life seems to go in simple manner, and the job that I’ve joined is helping me rediscover the lost spark inside me. Of course, I’m not writing frequently and this should be taken care of as soon as possible. I haven’t written a short story or a poem for quite some time.  But, by and by I’m going crazy for books. Well, the obsession has always been there, I’m not denying that. Perhaps, I’m pushing myself to read even more so as to compensate for not writing enough.

Some situations have made me a little stronger and I never knew I could stand up and fight for myself. Always I’ve been damsel in distress waiting for someone to come and fix my life. I bid adieu to these thoughts, it’s high time I take charge for my life and my feelings.

Coming to my work life, Jlisha finally made a move out of The Strategist and in her place currently it’s Bindu, who is in charge. Prior to Bindu, there were two people who joined the company and left. First it was Aanchal, she took a month’s time to decide that she cannot go on working… and another was Zavahir Dastoor, who had quit in two days.

Shiva is a new intern, a confused soul at the age of 31 still unsure of what to do. A nice soul but a little misguided is what I feel. And there is Tamali, Payamul, Prasanna and Sruthi…. All are unique in their own ways. I’ve recently searched for a ‘Creative Writing Diploma’ in distance mode and many universities popped up and none of their admission date is available now.

Symbiosis, IGNOU is the ones that caught my attention. The first one is a lot costlier than the second one. And I’m not sure which one would add value to my quest to write… there are many online courses as well…paid and unpaid. I’m just going round and round without finalizing one!

It’s the fear of commitment. It scares the hell out of me, to be honest.

Sometimes the urge to write is so scary that it starts consuming me… like the way it is doing to me now. I’m enjoying this and at the same time frustrated enough that I do not get any story or poem ideas like I used to. Am I losing that capability to write? This question pushed me to search of a course related to ‘Creative Writing’.

Hopefully, I wish to start writing constantly and never run out of ideas.