Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Overthinking ruins everything, doesn't it?

I had been a bit away from my blog and I must say it has indeed been quite a while. Well, as usual there were few things that were bothering me and I’m still anxious/unsure about life. My problems are not really problems when compared to others, yet they are still problems for me!

I completed four months now, being out of full time employment and this has also played a crucial role in pushing me a bit into the dark pit which I keep falling into but never know how to get out of. The recurring pain in my chest makes me feel like I’m going to die any moment, well that’s not going to happen but that’s the pull of that feeling.

What’s there to be so depressed about? You might say. Well, I’m certainly going through a rough patch and I’m secretly proud of how far I’ve come. There’s a dull thudding sensation at the back of my head now, that’s what over thinking does to you, it makes you to listen to voices that are not there at all, and it lets you run wild with your imagination that you become breathless in an instant.

Although I’m currently in a not-so-good situation there are enough signs around me that keep reminding me that everything will pass and I’ll be back being fulfilled and empowered. My premonition, often times remind me how far I’ve come with that sinking feeling pulling me down. I do miss being financially independent but that had its own downside, and now I’m left wondering what is that I want in life?

What makes me happy? Am I living the way I want to? These are the toughest questions but trust me no one can truly answer them. I see people around me telling me what I’m ought to do and etcetera, when I step back and look at that scenario I could see that they’re as clueless as me about life, love and relationships.

Why so much pretense? I do not understand. Do I have to listen to all that they say because they’re highly qualified? Earning a handsome sum? What are all these things when life is totally devoid or oblivious of these credentials? I must say I am exasperated by the way some people make themselves seem innocent all the while trying to back stab.

I’m re-thinking life and it is not what my resume says but it’s about me and my feelings. The way I want to be in life, with a person I chose to be with. Isn’t life about these crucial things? Why the hell am I so worried about what is someone else’s impression on me? I need to make myself immune to all these antics of other people.

I think this gap has given me enough time to ponder upon what that matters to me the most and how to true to myself. It is not worth it at all when you’re suppressing the true self in you to make others happy, that’s no way to live your life. People, who love you must be able to accept you the way you are and before that happens, do make time to love and accept yourself. If in case you don’t get that from others you know who to turn to.