Sunday, May 1, 2016

May Day

So, today is 'May Day'. Honestly speaking I have no knowledge about it at all, it's just the generic things which people say that I get to hear. It's a day to celebrate the contribution and commitment of labor force and that's all!

I have been jobless for a while and it's quite frustrating, I don't know what I am exactly craving for nor am I aware about the 'calling' in my life. There has been no consistency in my way of choosing something, like when I have resigned my job I was actually happy that I am out of something that I truly didn't enjoy and at that point of time money was not on my mind since I don't have people depending on my earnings it was quite an easy decision.

But then after a few days I felt like I have lost something, what was that? Money? Well, not really then what was it? I ask myself. Freedom? I'll have to think about it but I'm sure it's not entirely that because I wasn't enjoying my job though it earned me something every month. And my job made me just irritating in many ways. I understood this is not I want! I would be with something that would make me grow as a person not just thwart my zeal and enthusiasm in my life.

At times I wonder did I make the right career choice? Getting into the Human Resources field and still being introvert and shy. It really does make me feel like out of water, but then this state of "Not being Employed" is also not adding anything to my life.

In short, it so happened that I just went into depression kind of a thing and this feeling of worthlessness crept inside me and was refusing to get out of my system. Crying at times without any rhyme or reason, and trying for a job seemed an altogether is a different ordeal.

I have been to the interviews, Deloitte, Karvy, Valuelabs, Paynear, Global Logic, Good Luck Assets... in this scorching sun it wasn't easy. My confidence started wavering, the thought I could get a job was now just a thought there's lot more to it. I came to know my weakness and strengths, in my first full time job I became lazy, irritated and agitated. And when I'm trying to land into a job now I have realized this, at times I thank God for making me quit that job because only when I got out of it that I started working my ass off to lean things which I wouldn't have had I been there.

I've started taking little steps towards learning things. God! and guess what? I have literally been a buffalo in my previous job. Now, I'm exploring and the indecisiveness is still there.

Hope I stumble upon something which I can do for the rest of my life. There have been so many things I wanted to do at one point or the other but couldn't choose anything, I wonder what my education has done to me? I'm crippled here to take a decision about my life and I'm going no where.

What is real education anyway, when I cannot even take a decision!!